Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
