woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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