He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
a search helicopter?!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
