Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
