I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Small penises have feelings too.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
