You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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