Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
