He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
