It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
