Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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