in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
