You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
