I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
