Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
