It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Randomize
