so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
