Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
