Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
