and she was petting her beer can
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
