Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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