I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Floor bacon is actually really good
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
