I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
