Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
