whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
