also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
