I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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