I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
