I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
