things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
