I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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