i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize