The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
