he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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