My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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