i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
