were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
