thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
