your parents love me but you hate me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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