i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
