Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
