I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
