And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How many fucks given?
0.12846
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
