i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
