why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
