im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
