I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
