I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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