well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We just shotgunned beers for America
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
