i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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