Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
