a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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