If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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