Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
