So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You pole danced in your parka.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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