I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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