i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
