How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
