ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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