I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
