just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
