We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
