i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
