I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
