pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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