Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
